There's No One Behind Me

I meant to post something several days ago… I’ve been trying an “every other day” approach to my blog. Somehow, time has just been slipping away from me lately, for several reasons. I figure I may as well post about one of those reasons.

I’m in the middle of drafting my first poetry collection. If all goes well, it should be published later this year. It’s difficult, though — something about writing for a book, as opposed to writing for Instagram or even this blog, feels incredibly intimidating. It’s almost as though my brain cowers and my heart trembles at the seriousness of such a venture.

I have this tendency to write for the imaginary person who’s peeking over my shoulder. I rarely feel free to write whatever I want. Something is always holding me back. And while I understand that some self-censorship is usually necessary, especially for something I want to publish, I also recognize that too much self-censorship cripples my creative energy, thereby dampening the art that I produce.

So, from now on my goal is to write like there’s no one behind me.

This past year was a difficult one in many ways, especially in regards to my creative process. Some things happened that made me question the validity of my artistic choices, my value as a writer. After seemingly having found my voice, I appeared to have lost it again. It was hard.

When I created this blog in the autumn of last year, it was in an attempt to take my voice back from the abyss. I wanted to remind myself that I was a writer, and a damn good one at that.

Writing requires risk-taking. It requires being alright with your work being misunderstood, undervalued, or projected onto. It’s often soul-aching work. But it can also be soul-sustaining, life-giving, beautiful and as perfectly complex as the limitless universe we call home.

Lately, I’ve been tending to my heart and mind, treating myself with the same care and consideration that I so often give to other people. Daily, I sit with myself and say, “I’m back. I’m not going anywhere. I’m your biggest fan, and we’re doing this together.”

There’s no one behind me. But there is someone beside me. We have the same name, the same voice, and the same pen. From now on, I’m gonna write like I know that.

-D.