The Private Party

So, I had some unfinished business to take care of last year.

In May of 2020, I completed my MA in English (without a proper graduation ceremony, for obvious reasons). On December 31st, sometime after midnight, I finally opened my closet door, removed an unopened package on my top shelf, and freed my cap and gown from the plastic for the very first time.

It was honestly the first time that I'd even considered putting it on. I hadn't exactly felt like celebrating last year, for several reasons. But on that night, I just couldn't get to sleep until I wore what I'd earned the right to wear. So that's what I did.

There was no auditorium, no stage. There were no speeches to sit through.

There was no food, no guests, no celebratory cards or gifts. And yet, there was indeed a celebration. Audience of one, in my small, lamp-lit bedroom at 2 am, as I quietly congratulated myself for a job well done while everyone else slept.

And somehow, it was perfect. I felt a peace I'd forgotten was possible. I hung my gown on a hanger in my closet, placed my cap in a safe spot, and closed the door. I then proceeded to sleep like a baby.

Sometimes the most lowkey and private moments are the ones you need most. I hope all of us have a wealth of moments like that in 2021. They're good for the soul.

Keep breathing, friends.

-D.

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